Spirit of Fear

I thought I’d hide myself in the current of the clouds but for the noise of planes, the smell of pollution. For a while I hid at the very top of monuments, but the sight of all those people dead and living drove me out. I became so terrified and genuinely disquiet that I had to glide from the skyscrapers to the level of lamp posts and laybys from Big Ben to Potts Point, Middle East to the Wild West, warzone to cafe, bank to bunker. Still here, there was far too many fingers scraped down windows, forlorn gazes, agonising souls, children living in boxes. Every day was new and exciting but the weight of them all just hung and hung. Tension grew until I could take it no longer. I lost my head and drove off the road, stranded in an ordinary day.

So I hid myself in animals until birdsong bored me and older lions devoured me. Feeling like experience was with me, I decided to turn my attention to just one person, one name in a million, hiding myself in an angry man with a 9 hour day and a 3 bedroom semi-detached. I felt secure and had just enough work and attention to stay alive. In the end I thought myself unlucky he didn’t want to die that way, swimming in a pool gasping for adventure.

Have you ever ran from one place to another so often you felt pursued? As for me, I grew discouraged through drawn out years spent searching for shelter. I shrouded myself in concepts like politics or security, the sensible ways. Buried myself in sand, so only my face could be seen by others wishing to pass by or talk. In a rage and a depression I took cover in an atom and spoke out curses, spoke out all the words in the world until there was nothing left to say and noone left to talk to.

So I stopped. And I asked Him, yes Him, where he wanted me to be and what He wanted me to do. When I received no reply I changed my request into a plea and scrapped my plans to sit forever in the gaps between the leaves. As those words left my tongue he changed me from a spirit of fear into a new spirit, and from a new spirit into a man.

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